Instructions:

Trout Martini

2/3 cup dry vermouth
1 trout
4 Spanish queen (very large) pimento-stuffed olives
1/8 cup capers
1/2 teaspoon dillweed
2 lemon wedges

Place one live trout into a martini glass, add gin and a splash of vermouth. Just kidding. Marinate the trout in vermouth for 4 to 5 hours in the refrigerator. (Zip-top freezer bags make excellent marinade containers because they can be folded so that all of the marinade is concentrated on the fish.)

Pour the marinade into a pan and simmer over medium low heat. The alcohol will evaporate, leaving only the martini taste. Slice the olives into thirds paralleling the pre-cut holes. Simmer the olives and capers in the vermouth until the olives begin to soften. Open the trout and poach the inside for several minutes until the meat whitens. Season the outside with dill; flip and poach each side for about 3 minutes.

Serve with cold lemon wedges and a light yellow-rice dish, and, if you must, substitute the sauvignon for a martini, painfully dry, chased with a tall glass of ice water.